Beats, Venues & Sex Parties

What are Beats, Sex on Premises Venues (SOPVs), and Sex Parties?

Sexual encounters can happen in many different places and with various people. Beats, SOPVs, and sex parties are all environments where people may engage in sexual activities, often in the presence of others.

A beat is typically an outdoor or semi-public space where people gather, often with the intention of having spontaneous encounters that may have a sexual element. Beats can be found in areas of a town or city you might already know but didn’t realise had a different side to them. They can be both exciting and intimidating for newcomers.

If beats aren’t for you, there are sex on premises venues (SOPVs) or “sex clubs.” These are establishments where you can connect with others in a designated, private environment. SOPVs may have different themed nights, such as events specifically for queer communities, or they could be integrated with spas, saunas, or even more dungeon-like settings. If you’re able to travel, you’ll find a range of creative and interesting SOPVs across Australia.

@messyvoices – Trans man.

I just assumed that those spaces (beats) wouldn’t be for me, I was terrified. But I also wanted to go because it was hypersexual, hyper masculine and I was in the process of affirming my masculinity and not pushing this part of me down anymore. Once I started affirming myself, I was less scared of it. What surprised me when I did start going was how lovely people are. I know I’m lucky, but I’ve never come across anyone that’s been discriminatory or made me feel like shit about my body. Everyone has been so warm and beautiful. 

Where Can I Find These Spaces?

A great place to find these venues is online. Social media platforms like Facebook and Reddit have groups for people looking to connect at SOPVs or parties. It’s important to remember that some groups may not be anonymous and could display your identity or membership to others. Try searching in your local area and see what comes up!

To locate a beat in your area, you might want to check out Squirt, an app (available on a browser or as an app) that allows you to search for local beats, read reviews, and browse message boards and user profiles. 

Considering Safety and Comfort

If you’re concerned about safety, particularly for trans and gender-diverse folk, it’s worth thinking about how you want to manage sharing your identity and experience. Social media can allow you to control how much or how little you share about yourself before meeting potential connections. At venues or parties, it’s your choice when and how to disclose your identity, depending on your comfort level and the context of the event. Consider reaching out to the venue staff and speaking to them about their values or policies, regular attendees, and your feelings of safety within their space.

Feeling empowered and confident is key to enjoying these experiences. Reflect on when, how, and if you want to share your identity or experience with others. Remember, this is entirely your decision, and setting your boundaries can enhance your sense of safety and comfort.

@messyvoices

I don’t let people fuck with me, I know what I want before I go. If I know these people won’t give me what I need, I move to the next space. I assumed these spaces weren’t for me, but I was actually surprised by how warm and loving these spaces were.

Consider safety tips in general, like telling someone you trust where you’re going or how long you might be. You can schedule a check-in at a certain time and make a plan for them to take action if they don’t hear from you. If you have a smartphone, you can use the ‘Find My Friends’ app (for iOS users) or Google Maps (for Android users) to share your location with a friend or someone you trust. Letting others know adds an additional layer of safety when in new locations with strangers.

What Should I Wear?

Choose comfortable, weather-appropriate clothing that’s easy to remove or put back on. Make sure your footwear is suitable for the environment – enclosed shoes are usually a good idea for both comfort and practicality.

Venues may have a dress code, so check their website or social media ahead of the event to see how they’d like their attendees to dress. Comfort and feeling sexy are key.

What to Bring

It’s always a good idea to bring barriers like condoms and water-based lubricant to protect yourself and others from STIs, HIV, or unintended pregnancies. Be mindful of carrying only essential items and storing them securely, especially if you’re in a more public or open setting.

If you’re heading to an SOPV or sex club, lockers are often provided for storing personal belongings. Note that some venues may require you to leave your phone at reception to protect everyone’s privacy.

When heading to a beat, it’s a good idea to put your phone (when you’re not using it), car key, barrier protection, and lube in your sock or boot/shoes. Don’t take your ID with you. And listen out: don’t wear headphones or earbuds.

Setting your Intentions

Before heading to a beat, SOPV, or sex party, take some time to think about what you want from the experience. Consider questions like: Do you want to engage in specific activities? Are there any boundaries or limits you want to set? Are these hard boundaries (absolutely off-limits), or soft boundaries (things that might change depending on the context)? This type of self-reflection can help you feel more centred and prepared, and it allows you to maintain control over your experience. Always have a plan for how to exit if things don’t feel right.

@messyvoices

Go in with a game plan! If you’re solo, make sure you have a trusted person who knows where you are going, and you have some communications in place. If attending with a partner, make sure you are both very clear and comfortable with what your intentions are for the ‘event’, and ensure that there are regular check ins throughout in case anything shifts. I have a code with my partner, so there can be people right next to us cracking on, and without the other couple even knowing, my partner and I have decided that we’re not interested.

Managing Uncertainty

Feeling a bit nervous or unsure is completely normal. If you’re new to these environments, consider visiting with a trusted friend or during off-peak hours to familiarise yourself with the space before participating. If you ever feel uncomfortable or things don’t go as expected, remember that you’re always free to leave – there’s no obligation to stay if you don’t want to.

Navigating Rejection

Rejection is a natural part of these spaces, but it can sometimes feel more challenging for trans and gender-diverse folks, especially if the rejection seems tied to their identity or body. If someone declines an invitation or expresses disinterest, try to remember that their response reflects their personal preferences or boundaries, not your worth. It’s okay to feel the sting, but accepting their decision can help maintain a respectful and positive environment. Remember, everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in their interactions. At the same time, rejection accompanied by inappropriate language, slurs, verbal abuse, or discrimination isn’t okay and should be reported. If you feel comfortable, speak to venue staff (if there are any) or move to a different area. Have an exit plan if things don’t feel comfortable.

Aftercare and Safety

While aftercare isn’t always emphasised in these settings, it can still be an important part of the experience. Aftercare can mean sharing contact details for STI contact tracing or simply taking some time to decompress after the event, like going to get some food. There are many forms of aftercare, so find what feels right for you. For more information about aftercare, head to our Aftercare page.