Euphoria, Dysphoria & Body Image

What is Gender Dysphoria?

Gender Dysphoria can involve feelings of significant discomfort, distress or anxiety about our bodies, parts of our bodies or how we are gendered and perceived by others. Dysphoria can be different for different folks, and may stem from different places. 

It is often implied that all trans and gender diverse folks experience gender dysphoria and that our experiences are defined by gender dysphoria. This is not true. You do not need to experience dysphoria to be trans or “trans enough”. 

What is Gender Euphoria?

Gender Euphoria are feelings including joy, confidence and contentment that trans and gender diverse folks feel in relation to their bodies, gender and/or gender presentation. It can be as a result of how we see ourselves, how others see us or related to gender affirming experiences and interactions. Sources of gender euphoria are diverse and deeply personal, reflecting the unique journeys each of us undertake.

By highlighting experiences of gender euphoria, we can challenge the misconception that gender dysphoria defines trans and gender diverse folks and our experiences.

Navigating Gender Dysphoria in Sex

Dysphoria can make sexual connections challenging and tricky to navigate for trans and gender diverse folk. For some, dysphoria during sex can feel like you are out of your body or like you are acting, rather than being in the moment and experiencing pleasure. Sexuality is a messy thing, and these feelings could be the result of varying things. 

It can be challenging when we feel that others have expectations of our bodies, our body parts, the language they can use to refer to us and the role that we want to play in our sexual connections. It is not uncommon in seeking sexual connections to experience others expecting us to play a certain role in sex based upon assumptions of the sex you were assigned at birth. This can be an uncomfortable experience and make us feel like we’re not seen for who we are. 

Comfort and pleasure in your sexual connections is important. Something that can help alleviate dysphoria and discomfort during sex is communication around things that you find comfortable (affirmed) or uncomfortable (dysphoric). This can include the language used to describe body parts, the language you use to describe certain sexual acts and gendered terms that you wish to be referred to as (or ones you wish to be avoided!).

Gender Euphoria in Sex

Sex and sexual connections can be a great source of gender euphoria. Here are some things to consider that may make for more gender euphoric sex and connection:

  • Rename your genitals: Language can be powerful. Consider the names you want your genitals to be called. Maybe having your sexual partner refer to your clitoris as a “dick” or your external genitals as a “pussy” will help you feel more aligned with your gender identity. Openly discussing these preferences can create a more affirming experience. You can be assertive with the language that you want others to describe your body and body parts as. It’s your body, and you deserve to have your comfort prioritised.
  • Decenter genital stimulation: Consider decentering genitals and/or orgasm from your play. Both genitals and orgasms aren’t necessary to having a healthy and fulfilling sexual experience. 
  • Find what works: Consider the things that you feel comfortable doing sexually, the things you wish to explore or try out and the things that you definitely don’t feel comfortable doing or trying.
  • Set clear boundaries: Establish and communicate your wants or boundaries clearly. Identify which parts of your body you feel comfortable having touched and which you don’t. Sharing these boundaries with your sexual connections can ensure a more comfortable and consensual sexual encounter. 
  • Prosthetics and Toys: Prosthetics and toys, such as breast forms, pack-and-play devices, and tucking underwear, can help you visualise and experience your body in a way that feels right to you. These items can be incorporated into sexual activities, which can provide both pleasure and affirmation. While they can be an investment, the confidence and comfort they offer can be priceless.
  • Choose affirming connections: The right connection can make a world of difference. An affirming connection who respects your gender identity and creates a safe and supportive environment can significantly alleviate dysphoria. Whether it’s a brief encounter or a long, intimate session, communicate your feelings and let them know how they can support you.
  • It’s unique to you: Remember that gender euphoria in sexual connection is individual and will look different for different people. What works for others may not work for you, and that is okay. Keep exploring what feels safe and affirming for YOU!
  • Communicate: Conversations about sex can feel uncomfortable to some people sometimes, and that is okay. The more you practice communicating your desires, needs, wants and boundaries, the easier it will become. 
  • Be creative and go gently: Exploring all the different ways that your body is capable of experiencing euphoria and pleasure can be fun. Be gentle with yourself, things can take time. 
  • Seek support: If dysphoria during sex is concerning or distressing to you, you can speak to a counsellor or a sex therapist about it. There may be support or exercises that a professional can provide and telling them is the first step. 

A key takeaway here is to keep working to seek what brings you feelings of euphoria in not only your sexual connections, but in any and all parts of your life that are important to you. You deserve to feel seen and respected, and to have your gender celebrated. Keep experimenting, communicating and seeking euphoria in your sexual connections and in time you will learn more about yourself, your body and how you want to connect and relate to others. Seeking euphoria can be a great source of connection with others and joy within yourself.

@messyvoices – Trans man, gay.

The first time I had sex with another trans man was such a euphoric experience. It helped me to let go of the shame and fear I had around my body and sex. Through finding another trans person hot and desirable, I was able to feel like maybe my trans body could be hot and desirable too.

Body Image

Body image is the perception we have of our bodies and the feelings related to that perception. It can interact with our experiences of gender dysphoria and gender euphoria and can also interact with our sexual experiences. 

Our thoughts and feelings about our bodies can be influenced by many factors socially, environmentally and personally. Having negative thoughts and feelings about our bodies can lead to having a negative body image and for some folks, this can interact with or be completely separate from gender dysphoria.

Folks using gender affirming hormone therapy may find that the changes that come with it can be varied, and our feelings about those changes can be varied too. We may find that the gendered social perceptions and expectations of our bodies change through gender affirmation, in ways that can have a positive, negative or varied impact on our body image. 

Anyone of any gender, age or culture can have difficulties managing body image. If you are having difficulty managing your own body image, remember that you are not alone and that you are worthy of receiving support. Achieving a more positive relationship with your body image is possible and worthwhile. 

Some tips to manage your relationship with body image:

  • Celebrate everyone’s (including yourself) uniqueness and body. Everyone is different, and that is really special. 
  • Avoid comparing yourself to others, either online or in person. 
  • Focus on your positive qualities and the things about your body that bring you joy. This could be the things your body allows you to do, like hugging and connecting with someone close to you. It could be that you love how strong some parts of your body are, and how soft some other parts are. 
  • Try to avoid negative self-talk. We can often be our own worst critics, so try and counter that negative voice by showing yourself love, care and acceptance. 
  • Think about the things that you find hot, cute or beautiful about your sexual and romantic connections. Then try to think about the things they might find hot, cute or beautiful about you! 
  • Try and avoid number based (ie. weight, calorie counting) related goals. Goals that are positive and health focused will be better for your wellbeing, physically and mentally. 
  • Find social connections outside of health and exercise spaces.

@messyvoices

Something that took me way too long to acknowledge was my focus on the negative and my “unattractive qualities”. Something that was recommended to me was at least once a day look in the mirror and find something you like, anything! Appreciate a good outfit day, good hair day, good skin day – where focus goes energy flows, make sure your energy is building you up!

Managing a Healthy Relationship with Food and Exercise

Some folks like to workout as a part of their gender affirmation and find joy and confidence in the process. While things like exercise and mindful eating can support a healthy lifestyle, excessive working out or severe dietary restrictions can pose some serious health risks. 

Becoming fixated on negative thoughts about our bodies, excessive working out and dietary restriction may feel like the only thing we have in our control to manage these thoughts. A sense of significant distress and fixation around your body image and weight could be a sign that you may need some support.

While eating disorders aren’t caused by any one thing, significant distress or fixation could be a contributing factor. Some research suggests that trans and gender diverse folks experience eating disorders at higher rates compared to the general population.

Eating disorders are a complex, serious and potentially life threatening mental illness. There is support available to you and you are deserving of that support. 

Signs of significant distress around food and exercise can look like:

  • Overarching preoccupation with food and exercise that is impacting your life
  • Being unable to skip a workout or waiver from your food restrictions
  • Cancelling or avoiding plans that may interfere with your regular exercise
  • Making excuses to skip meals or social occasions that may involve food
  • Withdrawing from friends, social commitments or activities that bring you joy and becoming more isolated.

If you are concerned, experiencing significant distress, or your life is impacted by excessive exercise and/or severe dietary restriction please know there is support available for you. If you are concerned or distressed about your relationship to food restriction and/or exercise, consider talking to a trusted friend, healthcare practitioner or family member.

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