There are a whole bunch of products we can use during sex to make for a safer (and sexier) experience for everyone involved.
Barrier Protection
Condoms
Condoms come in all sorts of shapes, colours, textures, and flavours! There are internal and external condoms, condoms made from latex and condoms made of natural products – there really is something to suit every occasion and body. With so many options, we’ve broken down some of the information so you can make an informed decision when choosing your next pack!
- Latex condoms: Are the most common type sold in Australia. They are easy to find in supermarkets, chemists, sexual health centres (often for free!), or online and are relatively inexpensive.
- Non-Latex Condoms: Some people are allergic to latex or prefer latex-free options. Non-latex condoms are typically made from materials like polyurethane or polyisoprene. They are a safe and effective alternative for people with latex allergies. You can purchase these from supermarkets, chemists, and adult stores.
**Important to note that these are not usually given out for free at sexual health centres and will need to be individually purchased.
- Ribbed and Dotted Condoms: These condoms feature raised ridges and dots on their surface to enhance sensation for all bodies.
- Flavoured Condoms: These condoms come in a variety of flavours like strawberry, banana, and chocolate and are fun to use during oral sex.
How to use a condom:
- Push the condom to one side before opening the packet.
- Squeeze air from the tip, then roll the condom onto the object or body part you want to protect.
- Always use lots of water-based or silicone-based lubricant when having penetrative sex. Avoid ALL oils, including but not limited to olive, coconut, baby, and Vaseline as they can cause the condom to break.
- Pull out and check the condom occasionally, and re-lube.
- Hold the base of the condom when pulling it out.
@messyvoices – Trans man.
Other than for toy safety, I didn’t have anything to do with condoms because I was a lesbian. So, I had to get used to them and had to learn how to put them on a real penis, because it’s not rigid and hard. And, you’re dealing with a human being, with frustrations and emotions, things were really heightened in the moment. It became really important for me to advocate for myself. I’d never dealt with that before, so that was scary. Learning how to put them on properly and to advocate for yourself is really important for everyone’s safety.
Internal Condoms
An internal condom is designed to be inserted into the vagina/front hole or anus to provide protection. Internal condoms can be a little tricky to find in store, but can be found online and from some adult stores and sexual health centres.
**WARNING!! – internal condoms are often referred to by their commercial name ‘Femidom’ and the branding and marketing can be directed towards people with vagina/front holes. But don’t let this discourage you at all – they can be used by everybody!
An internal condom is typically made of nitrile and consists of two flexible rings:
- An inner ring: This ring sits inside the body and is used for insertion. It is designed to hold the condom in place within the anus or vagina. Insert this ring as far into your vaginal canal/front hole/anus as possible using a finger.
- An outer ring: This ring remains outside the body, covering some part of the anal or vulval area, providing additional protection, and preventing the condom from going too far inside.
After you’re done, gently twist the outer ring to prevent spillage and pull out carefully.
For information on how to use internal condoms for anal sex, click here.
Dams
Dams/dental dams are used to cover all sorts of surfaces including the mouth, anus, vagina/front holes, or any area really that you want to protect from coming into contact with someone else. Dams are typically used during oral sex. Dams can be purchased from adult stores, online and from some sexual health centres.
How to use a dam:
- Remove the dam from the packet.
- Optional: moisten the area with water-based lubricant.
- Lay the dam flat covering the entire area (e.g. whole anus/vulva).
- Hold the edges of the dam.
- Use a new dam if changing areas between anus and vulva.
Gloves
Gloves can be used for lots of different purposes during sex, particularly during hand play, digital sex, or fingering. Gloves can be replaced, removed, or used to remember which hand is being used for what body part, to lower the chance of STI transmission or cross-contamination. For example, if there’s two bodies involved, you can get a new pair of gloves for each, use gloves for one and no gloves for another, or have a glove on one hand to remember which hand is for which body or body part. If there’s more than two bodies and the same pair of hands is stimulating many, it’s recommended to change gloves between bodies, particularly if there’s internal stimulation occurring.
Some examples of scenarios include:
- Using the same hands for sex with multiple bodies, or your own body and someone else’s. Some STIs can be passed on by this pathway.
- Moving hands between anus play to mouth or vagina/front hole play. Bacteria can be passed on from the anus to other areas, and can cause infection.
- Handling used sex toys before continuing sex with hands on a different body or body part.
Gloves can also be used if someone has a wound (sore) on their hand to protect it during sex, or to prevent scratches from a fingernail. Nitril, powder-free, disposable gloves are recommended to use as they are latex-free.
Lube
Lubricant’s, or lubes primary purpose is to make things slippery! There are hundreds of different types of lube on the market. Lube can be found at the supermarket, chemists, adult stores, online and some sexual health centres. For some folk who choose hormonal/surgical affirmation, sometimes, the way the body lubricates naturally can change. Regardless, we suggest using lube whenever possible and using as much as you like! Using lube makes slipping and sliding easier and more comfortable, creates different sensations during sex, and can lessen the chance of barriers breaking or contracting an STI – less friction means less risk!
@messyvoices
If everyone could stop thinking that using lube means that one or both (or more) of you have failed, that’d be great! Lube has added so much value to my sex life, sensation is heightened, things can move… easier, and let’s be honest, it’s no secret that hormones can impact natural lubrication, and I personally would much rather use lube and be able to walk comfortably the next day.
With so many lubes on the market, it can make choosing just one overwhelming!
Here we have broken them down into their main categories:
- Water-Based Lubricants: These are the stock standard, most commonly used lubes. They are compatible with condoms and sex toys and are easy to clean up. However, they may require reapplication during prolonged sexual activities.
- Silicone-Based Lubricants: These are long-lasting and provide a silky, smooth feel. They are excellent for activities in water, like shower sex, but they are not compatible with silicone sex toys or some condoms. Check the product label for compatibility information.
- Oil-Based Lubricants: These include natural oils like coconut, avocado, and almond oil. They are not recommended for use with latex barriers as they can weaken the material, increasing the risk of breakage. They are best suited for massage and external touch.
- Hybrid Lubricants: These combine water-based and silicone-based formulas, providing the benefits of both. Check the label for condom compatibility.
We suggest trialling a few different types to see what works for your body and your sex. For internal sex, we recommend finding a lube that’s unscented and flavourless.
Wash Your Hands
Wash your hands and nails with soap and water before and after sex and potentially during. If you don’t have any barriers, and are moving between body parts, washing your hands will lessen the chance of passing on an infection. You should also wash your hands after handling used condoms, dams, gloves, or sex toys.
Nail care is also crucial when engaging in sex involving hands. Here are some tips for keeping your nails safe and clean:
-
Keep Nails Short and Smooth: Trim your nails regularly to prevent any sharp edges or hangnails that could cause cuts or tears in sensitive areas. Use a nail file to smooth any rough edges.
-
Clean Under Your Nails: Dirt, bacteria, and germs can accumulate under your nails, so make sure to clean them thoroughly before sexual activity. A nail brush can help you get rid of any debris that might be hiding there.
-
Avoid Nail Polish or Artificial Nails: If possible, avoid using nail polish, acrylics, or other artificial nails during sex. They can chip or break, causing discomfort or injuries. If you do have nail polish or artificial nails, ensure they are well-maintained and smooth.
-
Wear Gloves: If you have long nails or are worried about causing injury, consider wearing gloves. Latex or nitrile gloves provide a barrier that can help prevent accidental scratches or the transmission of infections. Some folks put a small amount of cotton wool inside each of the glove fingers to soften the impact of sharp or long nails.
Advocating for your sexual health
Prioritising your sexual health can involve actively choosing, and using a safer sex method like using a barrier, like a condom. This choice can feel empowering, as it’s your choice to keep yourself safe in a way that works for you. Talking about safer sex methods is part of a conversation about consent. Sometimes, navigating conversations before or during a sexual encounter can involve advocating for yourself. It’s okay to feel nervous about these conversations, especially if you’ve never had to advocate for yourself in this way before. It’s important to remember that you have the right to safe, affirming sex that feels comfortable and right for you. It’s completely valid to prioritise your needs.
When it comes to these discussions, try to be clear and direct about what you need. Using “I” statements can help you express your feelings, and setting boundaries is crucial to ensuring that you feel safe and respected. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s important to voice that, and it’s completely okay to walk away from a situation if your boundaries aren’t being respected. Some folks might try to push you to change or ease your boundaries for sexual safety, this isn’t okay. You have the right to say no, or stop sex if your boundaries aren’t being respected. If you have agreed on sex with a condom, and your sexual connection removes the condom without your permission – that also removes consent. This is stealthing, which is sexual assault.
Remember, advocating for yourself isn’t just about safety , it’s about ensuring that your sexual experiences are positive, pleasurable, affirming, and joyful. Keep practising, keep communicating, and remember that it’s okay to prioritise what feels right for you.
